You’re Dating a 12 Year Old!

You’re Dating a 12 Year Old!

This attitude are traced back to the Victorians, those well-known godfathers of sexual repression. In an age where table legs were deemed too risqué to be left uncovered, it’s no wonder that attitudes towards sex were anything but friendly. Women were told to lie back and think of England, which would have hardly stirred up any excitement about the act! Keeping it clean, or keeping people from the truth? Since then, it’s been this way for as long as most people can remember. As recently as the 1950s studies showed that people, women especially, saw sex as a duty in the place of an act to be enjoyed. Ignorance was rife too, with people being left to put together the facts themselves, with mistakes resulting in, rather starkly, ‘marriage or abortion.’ Even now, there’s fear that these attitudes still linger, with young people not having proper access to contraception and leading to equivalent mistakes that previous generations made. Surely sex can’t be good for us, if we don’t talk about it? a recent study has shown that orgasm has the potential to make you smarter, healthier and happier, due to the increase in blood flow to the brain. Even if those claims were to be unfounded, the increase in communication between partners and a desire to try new things in the bedroom has led to us being at our most sexually liberated.stripchat lucy_lew Are we any less prudish now, then?

Slowly but surely, attitudes are changing, the sexual revolution of the 1960s being the first step. Shops such as Ann Summers are now high street stalwarts, something that would have been unimaginable even twenty-five years ago. Women are told that they can reach orgasm with the help of increasingly inventive gadgets, and pornography are accessed by any with a television, a internet connection or some spare change for an adult magazine! The internet plays a big part too, with the anonymity found behind a computer screen or a mobile phone allowing a person to lose their inhibitions in a way that has never been seen before. Chat lines and web chats are an ever-popular way to find sexual gratification, with customers flocking in their thousands to achieve the Big O on their own terms. The effect of a certain book was also huge. Fifty Shades of Grey, E.L James’ kinky novel, was an unprecedented hit, outselling books like the Harry Potter series. The effect on the sex lives of British people was huge, with sales of whips, gags, handcuffs and the like soaring through the roof. We were talking about sex in way that we never had before. Circumstances are changing – and for the better With sex now a very big part of mainstream culture, it’s impossible to avoid. It’s going to be hard to shake off our prudish reputation, a stigma that has followed us around for years. We may have been seen as the uptight and repressed member of the European family, not for much longer! We may still be behind the times in terms of how easily we find ourselves talking about sex, and looking at why, it’s going to be hard to leave behind centuries of hushing up desires. There’s only one thing to say, onwards and bedwards! Jenny Ainsley Turner is the founder of Jenny’s Extreme Chat who specialises in extreme hardcore phone chat.

  Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex Tagged in: are brits prudes?, being uptight, British, british stereotypes, changing attitudes toward sex, learning about sex, Prude, Sex, stereotypes, uptight about sex “Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” –Harry Dunne, Dumb & Dumber One of the most curious societal glues that’s always confounded me, especially in relationships, is communication. The difference between a truly sweet song in The Wallflowers “God Don’t Make Lonely Girls” and a creepy line of “I ain’t even gonna touch her at all, man, I’m only gonna lay awake and watch her sleep” comes down to communicating the full context of the previous line in the song. It’s unavoidable. Yet, with networks like Twitter, somehow we’re losing that translation. I think equivalent thing’s happening in relationships in the twenty-first century. I’m currently in the process of ending an eleven year relationship, nine year marriage, to a woman who helped me bring two wonderful little girls into this world, and yet I am absolutely terrified of entering that communication fray again soon in dating, whenever that time comes. Perhaps it’s because as much as nine years need taught me how to communicate with a woman, it was futile because the woman I chose to marry didn’t know how to communicate with me at all, nor did she wish to learn how to, driving her into someone else’s arms behind my back at the end.

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Perhaps it’s because I get misinterpreted so much inadvertently, whether it’s by something typed on a social network site or my foot-in-mouth syndrome I frequently become infected with. I feel like John Mayer, I shouldn’t speak up again with women! Or perhaps it’s because it seems, in these modern times, that communication has become so abbreviated, cherishing its lengthy examples is a lost art no one cares for anymore, almost to the point of people like me being annoying to them?

In the days of one date chances, where you’re sized up predicated on a few, or too many, words in an online profile, is there a place for someone that’s used to finding lasting relationships built out of friendship that graduates into six hour-long phone conversations, and ensuing love, over time? I’ve always prided myself upon being a good listener and have learned through this divorce that being attentive has to be your number one priority in a relationship, which effective communication helps nurture. If you find yourself not wishing to be attentive, then the red flags and warning alarms should go off like crazy. In retrospect, I should have seen those signs in my own marriage a long time ago. If you’re truly in love, those things come effortlessly because you enjoy making the person you’re with happy. It comes and goes with kids, but at the end of the day, you still love doing it because you love your partner. You make them better, they make you better. If you sit back and ignore those warning signs, accept silence or lack of intimacy as you sleep in opposite ends of a house, and then wind up overwhelmed someday as things collapse in a flurry of cheating or anger, what you had wasn’t love in the first place nor could it have been.

you will want to take a lesson from our simpleton friend Harry Dunne and open our ears as well as our mouths in relationships? Revel in honesty based on sound evidence long before things get out of hand. Use those lines of communication to truly find out if this person you’re on your first date with is someone you flow easily with in those regards, in the place of sizing them up in the first five seconds or so if that isn’t instantaneous. Most of all, remember that being attentive is the bedrock of relationship success. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it. Hopefully, my plans to be far more attentive won’t smother the first poor female soul that decides to date me down the road but we’ll see. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Opinion, Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: cheating, communication, Relationships George Clooney ended his bachelor days on 27th September, 2014. This is a feat of enormous proportions considering Clooney started swearing off marriage in 1995 to Barbara Walters and repeated this stance ( like a broken record) to Vanity Fair, the British Sunday People, Esquire, and to Piers Morgan. He finally declared to The Express, “I keep saying I’ll never get married again or have children but people just don’t want to believe me.” I’m sure so many of you dreamed of being George Clooney’s wife. Alas, Amal came in the picture and shattered that dream into a million little pieces. I know the thought may be depressing and you would be apt to hate her. But before you do, i’d like to give you five reasons why the chances of it being you and not her were slim. 1. George Clooney was never interested in completing a woman.

He was seeking a person who was already whole and not waiting for him to sprinkle ‘The George Clooney Fairy Dust’ that would thrust meaning into their life. Or give them a career. So if you are sited at home dreaming a guy will come, sweep you off your feet in exchange for your looks and very little or no investment in yourself, he was probably not the man for you. Amal has 2 degrees of Law from respected institutions and her career as an international lawyer is blazing hot. I do not see her on “Dancing With The Stars” anytime soon. 2. How does a woman turn the tables on George Clooney, a perpetual commitment phobe and also make him want her badly? Amal Clooney must have played a game George had never seen before. The ‘game’ mentioned here has been laid out by numerous books, my two favorite being “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” by Steve Harvey and “All the Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Right” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. To quote Steve Harvey: “I’m sure that if a woman laid out the rules- requirements- early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on.

A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything-someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have- your benefits- are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his techniques to decide if he DESERVES them.” The gist of the books is that men respond to a woman raising her standards and making them “work” for you.

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Old fashioned and not relevant to our times, you may possibly say, but this is what I once said until my ex boyfriend, a self made Dubai millionaire with incredible smarts and business acumen broke up with me saying, “ I was boring:” I’m not even boring! But when I met him, my whole life revolved around him, pleasing him, and making him think my whole purpose of being born was to be his wife and by doing so, boring him to tears. Although you cannot take everything you read in a book as the actual truth, there are pieces and pointers that you can pick up and apply to everything. In my case, my ex needed me to carry out the rules to the letter to keep him remotely interested. 3. Do you over share on social media? George Clooney totally hates that. He famously ranted to Esquire in A december 2013 interview, “why on god’s green earth would you be on twitter? Amal allegedly cancelled her twitter account. 4. Are you aware the social imprint you leave on the internet tells a lot about you? There are pages upon pages of seriously dumb tweets. The latest being about ebola. Case in point “Is Ebola a country?” by @ash_trayz. 5. Finally, if you don’t know what, who or where Darfur is, the chances of George Clooney marrying you were ever so slim.

I’ll give you two clues…’s not a disease like ebola, it’s not A african president’s name. Darfur is a region in Sudan, A african country. In February 2003, a conflict began which claimed the lives of 300,000 lives as a result of ethnic cleansing, disease and starvation. 2.5 million people were displaced. Basically there are Arabs and non Arabs who were fighting each other. The Arabs were represented by the Sudanese police and military and some bad crazy guys called the Janjaweed. Two rebel groups (JEM and SLMA) fought for the non Arabs. Anyway, George Clooney was tangled up in trying to stop this conflict and did lot of things to this end; meeting and writing to Presidents and governments, writing an article on the Washington Post, speaking in a rally, and making one documentary about Darfur, co producing another and appearing in a third. Amal is an international human rights lawyer; so involvement in global human rights issues is something that the couple shares. So there, you have it. Amal Clooney deserves to be Amal Clooney. As for you, stop day dreaming,  invest in yourself, learn “The Rules” and make yourself a catch to someone.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook33Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Opinion Tagged in: George Clooney As I lay here typing with sore back and legs, atop my comfy mattress from Soreback’s Mattress Company, a few things have come to mind about the relationship that I’m in.  My girlfriend would be the first to tell you that I am  perfect and have never done one thing wrong or ever said the wrong thing…. Hrmm… Even I know that’s a bag of sh*t.  Seriously, though, thinking about relationships and what keeps them going got me to asking some questions. Why in the hell is this relationship working in the first place?  Sure, we like each other and certainly will put up with each others’ crap, for the moment.  However, I think there’s some things we do and things I’ve noticed from other friends in relationships that maintain forward momentum.  It’s very easy to relax and become complacent when things are going well.

  Why rock the boat? You don’t need to rock said boat, per se, but you can do some simple things to inspire new and, perhaps, spontaneous fun in your relationship. 1. Teach Your Partner Something New – You’re never too old a dog to learn something new.  Recently, I sat down and taught my girl how to set up her blog and have given her tips and advice to help get her going. In fact,  you can find a couple of posts on here from her… But I’m not telling you which ones!  I’m evil like that. Another thing I did was I showed her some nifty financial tools to manage her money in  a more organized fashion. 2. Challenge Your Partner – This is something my gal does very well.  We both like our computers; I work on mine lot due to the nature of my work. It’s quite easy to do this most any night.   She’s very good about getting me to set things down and doing something else.  That woman made me hike 12 miles recently. My body hated me for it, but I really, really had a good time and it was a challenge.  This past weekend she helped me clean and re-arrange my room (now, hold on before you go getting all crazy; that’s not a foot in the door, but another post certainly).

It was a pain in the ass and I hated doing it while we were in the middle of it; but now that the hard work is done, I totally love the end result.  I’m just sore now… Owww. 3. Go Somewhere Different – I have a friend who takes his wife somewhere new at least a couple times a month.  Typically, it’s going to be a new hiking trail; they’re not hiking aficionados mind you, they like doing active things.  Sometimes they will checkout a theater they have never been to; perhaps a different restaurant.  Nothing too fancy, but certainly different and new.  Variety is the spice of life… Well, except to those that fear change and fight it tooth and nail. If you’re that types of person, you may want to skip over this suggestion. 4. Take a Ferris Bueller Day – Take a day off. Take a day off in the middle of the week; or take a Monday or Friday, it’s your call.  Do something the day that you wouldn’t ordinarily think to do.  If you have a baseball team near by, catch a game.  Go bowling.

  and sometimes even engage in some public afternoon delight somewhere busy.  I’ve got one of these coming up myself. 5. Make Something or Do a Project Together – I’m not speaing frankly about love making; that comes later on, kids.  What I mean is work on a project together or make something.  It could be as simple as making dinner, or breakfast together.  Do you have something sitting around that needs to be assembled? Could you go for rearranging your bedroom (i’d like to stop here.  Yes, I said “rearrange” we men don’t DO bedroom make overs or personal make overs, we just buy new sh*t and I’m done)?  Fun, short term (even if exhausting) projects keep creativity flowing and keep a good synergy flowing between a couple. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Date Ideas, Tips & Advice I’ve gotten back into the swing of dating again. It’s been fun and certainly not anywhere disaster-like. That said, I’ve been on a lot of ‘first dates.’ That is, whether by hook or by crook or my inability to not be a creep, romance has not sprung from these dates. Was it the creep factor? Could it be as simple as something I said?

More than likely. But this line of thought got me thinking. I mean, really, really thinking. I don’t really think before I speak and the thing about that is once the words leave your mouth, you can’t control what the world does with it. With this in mind I went through my array dates and tried to think of things I may have said that did me no favors. I do this for YOU people, so that you can learn and not be a complete fucking shit head out there in the dating world. “I like your robust shoulders…” Said by no guy ever to a woman he’s out on a date with. I don’t know that, that cost me any points… Actually who am I kidding? Of course it did. That’s an asshole thing to say! Why would you ever say something to make a woman feel more “manish?” Honorable don’t-mentions: To her: “Your hands are SO big!” and “Those are some banana fingers you have there, girl.” Yep. Avoid calling attention to heroically proportioned parts of a woman’s body. She knows already. “My Ex…” Just don’t. Anything having to do with your ex should be kept out of the conversation.

Period. I mean, period. No good can come from it; re-hashing the past isn’t constructive when you’re out with someone you’re trying to move forward with. That makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, I’ve made this misstep recently. I was on a date and made mention twice. My date was a 8th grade teacher and I blurted, without blinking “Oh, my ex is a teacher, too.” Who gives a fuck? Certainly not your date, brochacho.

There’s a lot of ways for a woman to read that. Typically they assume you haven’t checked your baggage yet. And don’t ask about their ex either. Your date likely doesn’t want to talk about their ex, even if they happen to still be friends. What? Are you fucking mad? Stop that shit, son! a sure way to not get to date number 2. “I’m so this, that and the other…” No one likes a braggart. That’s what this bit is supposed to articulate.

Now, I don’t talk much about the things I do; I don’t explore this blog or how good or bad I am at my job. I don’t like to brag and I feel like I do have a few things that I am able to go on about. But if I tell a person I’m successful, am I really telling that person, or am I reassuring myself? I was on a date with a gal who couldn’t shut up about her comedy career and how funny her friends says she is. No doubt the gal was funny, but she was trying. Hard. I’m a joker myself and I can recognize when someone is trying too hard. She trumped-up her site that got almost 2,000 views the other day… And, for her, that’s good.

But, still, it’s bragging; and it comes off as desperate to impress. the Urban Dater clears that figure daily, easily. But, you know what? There are sites that do this number in hours, minutes etc. Sure, it’s good, but I don’t need to tell the whole world about it. If you believe you’re awesome, you don’t need to tell people about it. They’ll get it quickly enough. “Talking about your friends and your job… All the times…” I can get obsessive with my work. I’ll have vexing problems I’m trying to figure out and sometimes these problems follow me on dates. It gets to the point where I “rubber duck” my date; telling them about the problem I’m trying to solve and what I’m doing about it.


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