Tips For Online Dating Success This Holiday Season

Tips For Online Dating Success This Holiday Season

Being that guy, the type of guy Alfie is in the movie, is just a fantasy. You will never be able to get every girl to like you, you will never be every single girl’s type of man and you will never be able to make every girl happy. Rejection will be a part of your experience in picking up women for as long as you are going out trying to pick up women. However rejection is not a bad thing and plays an important role in the dating process. There are two forms of rejection that serve two different purposes when it comes to meeting women. The first is form of rejection is rejection by your own doing. Sometimes women may be interested in you and reject you because you screwed up, perhaps you said the wrong thing or said something that came out the wrong way, you were too needy or supplicated too much, you were too boring, too depressing, too needy or you weren’t genuine enough. You can get rejected for millions of reason, it could be because you smelt bad, you dressed sloppy or simply because you had bad breath. There are millions of things you could do to turn women off that could be your fault. The role that this form of rejection plays is similar to a heartless piano teacher smacking your hand when you play the wrong note on the piano.

It is saying “you screwed up, you need to improve on this”. It helps you find areas in your game that need improvement. This form of rejection could be more common earlier on when you are still learning and are still honing your skills in communicating well with women but as you face these rejections and the trials and errors, you will eventually get less and less of this form of rejection. The second form of rejection, is rejection that is completely necessary in saving you time and energy. The second form is simply that you and the girl are just not compatible with one another, whether its circumstances, she may not be looking to date anyone or she may have a boyfriend, her dad could of just died, etc., It may be interest related, you guys are just not interested in exactly the same things, you may have different values, different values, different morals, etc. Basically there is a mismatch and generally you both don’t fit each other’s criteria in one way or another. She could be absolutely stunning physically and yes you may find her physically attractive, but ultimately she may not be interested because you’re not the type of guy she is into. Unlike the first form of rejection however, in most cases there is nothing you can do about this form of rejection short of pretending to be the man she wants in order to gain her interest. If you do this nevertheless you are in essence selling your self-respect in exchange for her acceptance. Not the strongest move a man could make. Don’t waste your time or hers, if she is not interested in what you’re looking for just take it like a man and move on to find a woman that does share your interests. I feel like most men have this unrealistic expectation of doing amazingly in every discussion they have with women, rejection is to dating what peanut butter is to Reese pieces. In Conclusion – Rejection is a part of the deal, if you wish to enjoy the good that comes with dating amazing women and having lots of sex with them or meeting an amazingly loving and worthwhile girlfriend, rejection is part of the price you have to pay in order to get it. – Don’t avoid rejection simply because you want girls to like you, don’t compromise who you are. Be genuine and honest, what you have to offer will be valued by women who appreciate it.

In turn you will probably enjoy the company of those women more than you will a woman that has diddly squat in common with you. – Rejection is a tool to save time and to help you improve in areas you have control over, keyword being control. Drawing the line of what you have and do not have under your control when it comes to interacting with women. It is greatly important. – Lastly, rejection will be there no matter how good or how long you stay in the dating game, if you are avoiding it, stop it….take it like a man, move on to the next girl. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships If that doesn’t scream maturity, I don’t know what does. Breaking up with chicks in People is Awesome+ Sadly (or in my case, happily), we are not in high school anymore. You can’t text-message break up. You can’t break up over email.

You can’t simply avoid returning phone calls. Well, you CAN, but you really shouldn’t if you’re old enough to pay an electric bill.

5 Essential Checkpoints Before You Meet a Man Online

The only time such methods are appropriate is if you’re still in high school, if you’ve only been on 5 dates or less with this person, or if pants have not been removed (by either party). The first step of this whole process is to make the decision to end the relationship. Making the decision is a huge process and could be an entry on its own (especially considering the length of the relationship), so to save time, let’s just assume that you’ve made your decision already after some seriously reflection…on to action! 1. STICK TO YOUR GUNS You’ve made your choice. Be strong – or as my mother says: “Be firm. Be kind.” Going back on your decision because you feel bad about hurting the other person is called pity. At the end of the day, nobody wants to be pitied. They want to be loved. 2. DON’T VICTIMIZE OR BELITTLE YOURSELF You’re not doing this person a favor through the elimination of yourself from his or her life. They obviously like you a lot, and want you to be a part of their life, so it’s insulting when you frame a break-up as doing them a favor. He or she is an adult – they can make own decisions – they can take care of themselves. You are an adult as well, who cares for yourself and makes your own decision. You are choosing to leave…for whatever reason. Own it.

And go. 3. NO YOU CAN’T STAY FRIENDS, SO DON’T OFFER You’ve just rejected this person on a very intimate and deep level. It’s probably best not to offer a consolation prize. If you’re meant to be friends after you’ve dated, it’ll occur organically. Just gracefully bow out, and let the person who’s just been dumped process what’s just happened without your pity or babying. 4. DON’T BE MEAN Now is not the time to point fingers. It won’t allow you to feel better. Don’t school this person on their bad behavior or why they don’t work for Chances are – they are not going to change. There is someone out there who will put up with whatever nonsense or baggage they’ve got going on – you’re just not that person. 5. KISS AND BREAK UP Don’t actually kiss or have breakup sex. It makes things complicated and messy. What I mean is: Keep It Short and Sweet (KISS). Nobody wants saccharine (truly, nobody ACTUALLY wants saccharine – it’s a substitute sweetener that’s cancerous…and has a vile aftertaste) and nobody wants to be nagged. The same way dating is like interviewing – breaking up is like quitting your job. It’s just time for you to go your separate ways.

You’re not getting what you need from this person and when you can communicate that as honestly and with as much kindness as possible, many tears will be spared. Good luck.  Be firm.  Be kind. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Tips & Advice Tagged in: breaking up, Dating Men and Women are really simple, base, creatures. So why is it so hard to relate? Here is one of the biggest questions of all – Do men even know how to relate? The answer to this question could easily go in more than one direction. You need to keep in mind that when it comes to romance and relatioships men and women relate in different ways, since they’re wired to be different.

For a man to ‘relate’ to his lover, he needs to share some activities with her. This is the way a man relates to you because that is how they connect with themselves.  On the other hand, women are looking for another way of relating.  Women want to talk, women want to feel connected with their man by sharing their thoughts, ideas, worries, fears, etc.  If a woman doesn’t have the chance to express all of her emotions with you, she feels ALONE in the relationship. She won’t be able to be vulnerable with her man when he comes around and wants to be physically intimate. I know many men would prefer to tell their girlfriends to go ahead and call a female friend to talk or discuss things with rather than having to listen to her ramble on himself.   Well guys, let me tell you something, that is the WRONG WAY to handle your girl. She already knows she could share her thoughts with her female friends if she wants to and in fact probably already did it. But that is not the point; the point is that she is trying to connect with YOU since it is with you with whom she has a relationship.  So don’t send her to her friends just so you can have your own selfish space.  That will damage her and the relationship will bear the signs. For a man it can be hard to sit down and listen to our pain and our discombobulated thoughts.  That’s understandable because men are made for action and for problem-solving.  A man’s natural instinct is to read into our problem after 30 seconds and start looking for a logical solution.

 It’s boring for him to listen to our darkness or complaints about life without him.  He wants to get to the point and fix it as if it were an oil change. What men don’t understand is that when women talk between themselves, they connect with each other by what I call ‘being critical about everything’.  We like to talk about all the things that don’t work and all the things that confuse us so.

Dating Mr. Unavailable is Unavoidable

To put it another way, women communicate what they want by telling you what they don’t want.  Pay attention to how your girl communicates with you. How many times have you said to her, Why don’t you just tell me what you want rather than telling me what you don’t want???  Sound familiar? If you’re a man with any experience of women and you are reading this blog you would probably agree with me. So next time she tells you what she doesn’t want, try reading into it to decipher what it is she really wants. Men also need to understand that the more they can connect with a woman’s needs, the better chances they have of getting laid.  So learn!  Remember guys, if she is happy you, you will reap the rewards her body has to offer.  If she feels left alone she will make your time difficult and not be inclined to ‘reward’ you.

So that’s a little secret that goes a long way:  If men can learn to be a little less self-centered and become a little more thoughtful toward his woman, everything will run smoother. Just listen.  No fixing.  No solutions.  Just look her in the eyes and connect and ask questions.  The counter-intuitive payoff is that she’ll probably give you more of your own space cuz she’ll find you so much more satisfying.  Just try it a few hours a day, k?  For more information about my work or for a private consultation about your home situation, please email me at [email protected] or visit me at Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating, men and dating, men and love, men and relationship, men and romance, men in love, relationship Oh Jeebus! Instant «chubby» killer When I meet someone I have a pretty firm idea of their sexual energy, be the person a man or a woman. That is, I know if they are comfortable with their sexuality.

It’s true! I have met a good number of men that I know shouldn’t be left alone with certain women. The sexual tension created; the magnetism would just be an excessive amount of for a single room to handle. Conversely, I have also met men and women that seem almost asexual. They fear or avoid their sexual desires, thus making them irrelevant, sexually speaking, to those they happen to be around. Let’s talk about that. For myself, I flirt and I do so almost shamelessly. My girlfriend understands, but she’ll slap me around if I overdo it, but make no mistake. I flirt and it’s a part of what makes me who I am; it’s a part of my identity, my charm, my depravity and all that other good stuff. My female friends are aware of this. Some of them respond by flirting back, most of them, however, don’t even entertain my flirty ways in the slightest and just ignore it altogether. That flirty behavior creates a type of sexual tension, whether it’s intended or not and because of that I have to also be aware of those that I flirt with and take care. Since I am at home with my sexuality and I’m playful, flirty and comfortable I just about engage everybody and will extend this flirty behavior throughout a room.

This makes me “not safe.” What I mean is that I represent a sexual threat in a manner of speaking. Women who are cautious to engage in such behavior, whether it’s because of loyalty to a lover of their own or an unwillingness to get caught up in an all night f*ck-a-thon, will engage me in a “Frisbee deep” fashion. That is, they won’t tell me their life story or what makes them tick and how their heart was broken once upon a time. On the other hand a woman at peace with her sexuality and that of the people she surrounds herself with might be more inclined to tell me about the time she had an orgy or when she may have had a “devil’s three way.” On the other hand these stories might not be shared with someone who is not at ease sexually speaking. In a couple other posts I’m going to break down the habits of each side because I think this is an interesting topic worth exploring. What do you think? Where do you fall in this mix? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: flirting, sexual tension, sexuality Without fail, you or someone you know has been cheated on. Maybe you knew about it, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you found out in such a spectacular way that it defies reason… Cheaters. They’re on the market and it’s fact of life. As long as the grass remains greener, there’s always an allure to go fondling the fruits of another.

At the Urban Dater, we wanna know this: If you were being cheated on, how would you want to find out? Take a moment to answer our poll. Take Our Poll Here’s what some folks from Twitter had to say: [blackbirdpie id=”83942609059450880″] Aaand from a Tweeter with quite possible the best handle of all time [blackbirdpie id=”83942942431125504″] And some peeps from our FB Page Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: cheating, Relationships Although clueless men may want to trust their instincts about woman wooing, it’s a better idea to get some advice from an actual woman. Women don’t expect a first date out of a fairytale, but we do expect that you make an effort. Thinking of wearing that old wife-beater tank top? Think again. If you don’t know what to wear, go for a well put together look with a button-up shirt and jeans (preferably without holes or stains). Who knows, this might even give you the boost of confidence you need to ace the dreaded first date. Bring her flowers or a token of your affection. This may sound old fashioned and outdated, but this will start things out with a marvelous first impression. Even a simple bouquet will make her feel special and set you apart from the losers. Different types of flowers send different messages, but don’t worry about that for now.

Go with your gut – the gift you pick will say something about you and set the tone for the rest of the date. If flowers really aren’t your style you could always go for one of the edible creations from ProFlowers. Women love sweets and an opportunity to share dessert with someone. Be yourself. Even if you did change out of that greasy tank to a date-worthy button-up, don’t try to be someone you aren’t. Keep the conversation honest and light hearted.  This obvious truth will help the date immeasurably while allowing the two of you to figure out whether you actually have chemistry. Putting on a show for your date will only stop the two of you from connecting in a natural way.

Don’t push it if she declines your offer to pay. Some dating experts will emphasize the importance of men paying for a woman on a first date, but I’m here to say that this advice is misleading. It is best to politely offer to pay for the date because a lot of women really appreciate it. If she declines on the other hand, this is not you’re your chance for you to insist on showing that you are responsible or boyfriend material. Get a feel for the situation by bringing up the subject casually before the time comes to pay the bill. Say goodnight and go on your way. Not expecting to get a goodnight kiss will avoid a extremely awkward situation at the end of the date. Let go of any expectations and again, keep it natural and light. Kiss somebody because you are drawn to be closer to that person. This should happen naturally if the chemistry is right, just remember to bring some mints. With these five things in the back of your now brilliant mind, have fun! With a nice outfit, flowers, and an honest mindset you both may have a great time.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: Photo credit: Tetra Pak / Foter / CC BY-SA There’s a lot of ‘right’ in this photo… Unnnhhhh! I’m a ‘leg man’ and I like to date tall people, women in particular obviously.

So I need to rant, kids. I’m a heightist. What’s that you ask? Well, according to the Urban Dictionary (we are not relations): Someone who believes that people are superior to or inferior to others on account of their respective heights, or that people of differing heights have different moral qualities and intellectual capabilities. I might not fit that definition exactly. When women are around my eyes will wander over the precious gal. Chances of this increase if she’s showing leg, I get downright stalker like if it’s a tall woman in a skirt… I can’t help it! The last couple of women that I’ve been out with, who have worn the little black dress, had rendered me hopeless, hapless and without one ounce of will power. Meaning, that I couldn’t resist these women if I wanted to… I didn’t of course, but you get what I’m saying. When I was actively doing online dating (OkCupid), I dated a lot of shorties. I mean, yeah, I can filter out and pick who I want to go out with. But the problem wasn’t finding tall women; the problem was finding tall women that wanted to go out with me… Am I whining? Am I taking a ride on the whaaambulance? Well fuck you because that’s what I’m doing! What do I define as tall?

Well, taller than average I’d say. 5’6″ is about where I draw the line anymore. I dated a woman that was 4’11” and I’ve been out with women as tall as 6’2″ and that was different… I find that sweet spot to be around 5’8″ to about 6′ for the kind of tall women folk I like to be around. When I can just about look a woman in the eyes without hunkering down, that’s hot.


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